The Strand Study Bible

JOHN “MINI” SERIES Seven Steps to a Successful Marriage

I. Learning to Stay Married

Lesson #1 . Determine who the sole authority in your marriage is going to be (Gen 1:26-28)

According to Scripture, God is the Author of marriage, not the author of divorce (Mt 19:3-8). God’s clear plan for marriage is one man and one woman (Mk 10:4-9). Irresponsible sexual behavior has always been the death of any society ( Gen 13:13 & 19:24-29). Once you determine that God is going to be the “Who” in your marriage, you must then study the eternal perspective in order to know what God thinks ( II Cor 4:18 ). There are some things in life that should take a lot of time to decide. Marriage is one of them. Like discipleship (Lk 14:25-33), marriage is a commitment that should last a lifetime. Yet, God is not only looking for men and women of commitment, He is looking for men and women of personal character . Commitment says, “I’ll do right!” Personal character says, “I’ve done right! I’ve surrendered my will for so long that doing right has become a way of life for me.” People do not stay married because they commit themselves before God at an altar. People stay married because they practice doing right until it becomes a reflex. Ecclesiastes 5:3 says, “ For a dream (or, success) cometh through the multitude of business (or, hard work, i.e., personal character ).” Successful lifetime achievements, like marriage and discipleship, become a reality when one surrenders himself to work hard and to form good habits (Isa 1:16-17). THE ADAGE IS TRUE: No vow is foolish if kept Keeping a lifetime commitment (i.e., vow) is based solely on our willingness to surrender our will to another in order to develop personal character . Never act impulsively when it comes to lifetime commitments. Although the word “loneliness” is not mentioned in the Bible, the synonymous words “alone” and “desolate” are (Isa 49:21). Both the Bible and the dictionary definition of the word means, “to be without companions.” Often within a marriage, couples will experience loneliness (i.e., the loss of companionship) due to the hurt they inflict upon each another. Those who fail to successfully combat the inevitable pain of loneliness will experience deep despair. According to the Bible, there are three ways to combat loneliness ( Hos 4:17 ), even within a marriage. There are two kinds of love mentioned in the Bible: (1) conditional (or, responsive love) and, (2) unconditional . One is based upon emotions , the other upon an act of the will . Whereas conditional love is based upon “getting,” unconditional love is based upon “giving.” According to the Bible, the wife is called to show conditional (or, responsive) love (Titus 2:4), while the husband is called to show unconditional (or, non-emotional) love (Eph 5:25, 28,33), and until the husband and the wife truly understand the difference between their individual roles, their marriage is sure to have “lots” of problems ( Jn 21:15-17 ). Lesson #5 . Discern the difference between healthy and unhealthy combat in a marital relationship (I Cor 7:27-28) According to I Corinthians 7:28, marital conflicts are inevitable. Therefore the key to a healthy marriage is learning to fight “right.” The difference between healthy and unhealthy combat within a marriage is learning to avoid attacking those areas that strike at the heart of another’s self-esteem . Whereas, a woman’s self-esteem is based on her beauty (I Tim 2:9-10) and her intelligence (I Pet 3:7), a man’s self-esteem is based on his ability to provide for his family (Gen 3:17-19 and II Thess 3:6-11). Whenever one of these areas is attacked, unhealthy combat is being waged. A healthy couple will work hard to avoid attacking those areas that pound at the heart of the other’s self-esteem . According to I Corinthians 7:39, God is more interested in “what” you marry than “who” you marry. For if whom you marry does not coincide with what you believe, then what you believe will certainly interfere with whom you married. Amos 3:3 says, “ Can two walk together, except they be agreed ?” Can couples walk together if they are walking in different directions? God’s desire has always been for people to marry people of like beliefs. That way there is less chance of trouble. God is not against mixed marriages (Num Lesson #2 . Develop personal character (I Cor 7:10-13) Lesson #3 . Define loneliness and learn to combat it (I Cor 7:27) Lesson #4 . Define the two kinds of love that are necessary in a marital relationship (Jn 21:15-17) Lesson #6 . Determine that what you married is more important than who you married (I Cor 7:39)

12:1-3), only mixed beliefs (Deut 7:1-4). Foreign wives with different beliefs proved to be King Solomon’s downfall (I Ki 11:1-8 and Neh 13:25-26).

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